I am looking for a deaf mute boyfriend, preferably Icelandic, 6 ft and up, very skinny indeed with large bags under his eyes. Asthma, acne scars, broken/strange looking nose, braces on teeth, limp, allergies, stammer & twitch are all optional. Someone devastatingly handsome in a horribly ugly way & knows a lot about vampires, maths, comic books & Nazi germany. Childlike handwriting, claustrophobia/agoraphobia are all ok. More or less Gummo meets Lurch, via Gareth from the Office.
I'm going to post an advert in the paper.
today i wrote a letter to rafe spall.
it read as follows:
Dear Rafe Spall,
Just a little note to say that I am a fan of yours, and possibly a bit in love with you, but only a normal sort of amount for someone who's never actually met you. I don't really know much about you at all, but I do know that I even fancied you a bit in Shaun of the Dead (possibly even more then than I do now?) although you mostly just said 'allo maaaate' and 'you got red on you' . I tried to encourage my boyfriend at the time to put on his Dixon's uniform and tell me i had red on me. But he wasn't into it. Ok no, I promise that never happened.
Anyway, you are lovely, and you have the strangest and sexiest voice in television/film at the moment I reckon. You always kind of sound like you are eating crisps and I find it super cute and would love to share some salt & vinegar Walkers (or maybe Twiglets or worcester sauce flavour French Fries) with you and you could say things while you ate them, that would be nice. You are my second favourite actor (not of all time, yet anyway, but certainly of the recent.. present) You come after Timothy Spall, so I guess that makes it ok.
I heard a terrible rumour that you are going out with Izzy off of Hollyoaks. If this is the case, then I suppose it's ok, because at least it's not Mandy, or that div Anna. Plus if I remember correctly, Izzy was dead posh, intelligent and super beautiful but still, it's quite upsetting.
Oh yeah I forgot to say about The Rotters' Club, Hot Fuzz, He Kills Coppers, A Room with a View and that thing about the pre-raphalites. Fancied you a lot in all of those.
Especially Hot Fuzz, because the sexy four-way of you, Paddy, your tash and Paddy's tash was extra special & more or less the ultimate dreamy combo. Errm yeah so that's about it really.. You are v. v. dishy & please continue to say things out loud on television because I enjoy it.
Good luck with your already splendid career, which I'm sure will be just as excellent & full of engaging, heartfelt performances as that of my number 1 fave, Papa Spall. Sorry for being strange, I am really lovely, nice & normal. Definitely send me a signed picture of you, pleeease! & if you're ever in Brighton, come hang out.
lots of lovely love, Annie xxx
today i wrote a letter to rafe spall.it read as follows:
Dear Rafe Spall,
Just a little note to say that I am a fan of yours, and possibly a bit in love with you, but only a normal sort of amount for someone who's never actually met you. I don't really know much about you at all, but I do know that I even fancied you a bit in Shaun of the Dead (possibly even more then than I do now?) although you mostly just said 'allo maaaate' and 'you got red on you' . I tried to encourage my boyfriend at the time to put on his Dixon's uniform and tell me i had red on me. But he wasn't into it. Ok no, I promise that never happened.
Anyway, you are lovely, and you have the strangest and sexiest voice in television/film at the moment I reckon. You always kind of sound like you are eating crisps and I find it super cute and would love to share some salt & vinegar Walkers (or maybe Twiglets or worcester sauce flavour French Fries) with you and you could say things while you ate them, that would be nice. You are my second favourite actor (not of all time, yet anyway, but certainly of the recent.. present) You come after Timothy Spall, so I guess that makes it ok.
I heard a terrible rumour that you are going out with Izzy off of Hollyoaks. If this is the case, then I suppose it's ok, because at least it's not Mandy, or that div Anna. Plus if I remember correctly, Izzy was dead posh, intelligent and super beautiful but still, it's quite upsetting.
Oh yeah I forgot to say about The Rotters' Club, Hot Fuzz, He Kills Coppers, A Room with a View and that thing about the pre-raphalites. Fancied you a lot in all of those.
Especially Hot Fuzz, because the sexy four-way of you, Paddy, your tash and Paddy's tash was extra special & more or less the ultimate dreamy combo. Errm yeah so that's about it really.. You are v. v. dishy & please continue to say things out loud on television because I enjoy it.
Good luck with your already splendid career, which I'm sure will be just as excellent & full of engaging, heartfelt performances as that of my number 1 fave, Papa Spall. Sorry for being strange, I am really lovely, nice & normal. Definitely send me a signed picture of you, pleeease! & if you're ever in Brighton, come hang out.
lots of lovely love, Annie xxx
tomorrow i will write to alan davies, ralf little, mckenzie crook & bill nighy
No comments:
Post a Comment