s w e a t

(this all happened yesterday)

i marched to work at top speed today. my face was all blotchy and flushed, my lungs still heaving with frozen air as i lined up the stegosaurus stencils and loaded the toaster with crumbly slices of breakfast bagel..

then there was the gym. body pump. mine felt broken.

a trickle of sweat down my spine and an even pinker face this time, panting back at me from amongst the mirror-ful of glistening foreheads, creased in concentration.

after that some more half hearted striding in one spot, never any closer to the skinny bodies that wiggle on the enormous televisions flashing several feet away.. the irony.

back to work. could barely stand up as eric waved his violent marvel comic heroes back and forth across my vision. 'Then you say 'DIIIIIIE' and knock Spidey into the bolcanic laba' he commands, in his beautifully bizarre accent, far too loud. Nursing my ear, I repeat the line, lacklustre, and with a few extra Vs. No need to bother with the high pitched squeal he adds himself (for maximum super-villain impact) flinging his helmeted head back wildly.

By day he is placid, curious, affectionate, the unwitting outsider as he wobbles a little and obediently takes his medicine. But come 3.30pm, Super Eric does evil brilliantly enough for the both of us.

let's push things forward

tomorrow begins week 6.

and 6 is my lucky number.

i have joined the gym.

i am ready for toned arms, tiny tummy, trim thighs and boundless energy..

yes please!

things that make me happy today:

1)

and 2)

sorry. but not that sorry.

Day 31

A little list of things I have attracted to myself in the last 31 days

1) A certain person.. not necessarily in spirit but certainly in terms of location

2) A fun, happy, positive home atmosphere (painting the living room with Andrew, Mike, Kelly, Holly and Cindy Lauper!)

3) Kittens

4) Nicer home - new sofa, carpet, curtains, walls, decor <3

5) Potential job for January!

6) More hours at both the Dome & Class of their Own

7) Glorious social situations; Sita Sings the Blues, pottery painting, board games & pub quiz, girls round in the living room for cocktails..

8) Beautiful toenails with permanent colour!

Things I need to work on:

1) Arriving on time!!

2) Positivity about myself

3) Looking my best (being on time & prepared will help with this one!)

4) More positive visualisation

goddess of love

sita sings the blues

loveliest film, the story of rama & sita with a soundtrack of songs performed by annette hanshaw. so good! :)

dream big

blue stretchy sparkly comfortable sequinned catsuit

big colourful collar with flowers and glitter

rainbow face-paint kit

white sony vaio laptop & speakers

gym membership

perfume wardrobe

chanel/stella/dior/YSL

permanent colour on fingers & toes

full leg & hollywood

teeth whitened

gorgeous flat 6 months

a backpack!

thailand

cambodia

laos

vietnam

india

nepal

<3

l i v e i t

this weekend I turned off my law-of-attraction switch and just lived it. i had the girls round for cava and snacks (classy) and did some amazing dancing with sam and pins at the green door store and then the haunt.

here is our new addition, little cat Yoko Ono!

I got a bizarre speech from a friend too.. I feel like the reality of my love life right now isn't quite matching up with my 100 day plans.. YET! ;)

100 day dream

I'm top grateful again today for having discovered and understood the Secret. More importantly I'm so glad that my imagination has always been so strong, and that daydreaming and believing have always come so naturally to me. Speaking with my gorgeous Pins, I saw how she seemed to have interpreted the book totally differently to me, and although I was concerned that she hadn't quite got the knack, I did feel pleased for myself that I have understood the concept so clearly. I hope I can clarify for her what she needs to do to make the Law of Attraction work for her... We gave some masterminding a go. Megalolz.

Another creation..

The Hundred Day Challenge has been brilliant for me so far. In 20 days I have achieved a little and learned actual loads! I have a teaching job lined up in January, and more importantly the new found knowledge and confidence to really chase up jobs and be persistent. A brand new approach I had never imagined I was capable of.

I have been able to attract that certain chap RIGHT into my life (they always seem to end up living on my road? Or being besties with them from next door!?) I've seen how my underlying negativity of my thoughts was tainting the quality of the manifestation.

Grubbs is so much more glamorous when you're in bed.. :/
Ultimately I think the best thing I can do is listen to Shannon and Let the Music Play.. He won't get away. Hopefully I'll keep the groove and then he'll come back to me again ;);) Best advice ever. It happened over the summer, and before with my ill-fated druggie poet romance. And what I ultimately discovered was that in fact, he wasn't quite right anyway. If I do run into Affair again somewhere along the way, I hope I will be a sexier, cheekier, funnier, more content, more confident and generally glorious individual, and that I will be able to get the most from that moment when our paths do happen to cross.

I miss this beautiful kitty, but we're getting a new pal soon :)

The package that appeared for me on the stairs and started me on my journey, from Sam <3

My main focus for now is on myself. My appearance, the way I fill my days and the way I feel about me. Hopefully the rest will follow :)

c r e a t e

well, it's worked once before.. so I decided to put aside some time to draw the circumstances I'd like to manifest. Some may say the scribblings of a retard.. but I like them, so here they are..

He appears to have had a shave halfway through.

19

Day Nineteen. I am so bloody glad I have discovered the Secret and the Law of Attraction.

Looking back over my life, I can remember a million occasions when the exact person or thing I had been desiring appeared for me, but I never quite understood what had brought it there (I just assumed regular old flying dwarf).

Now that I know how thoughts become things, I can completely see why certain circumstances arose the way they did. For a good few years I swung violently between two opposites. One minute I pioneered a Destiny's Child inspired 'I'm-a-survivor' attitude, tinged with a Pussycat Dolls mantra ('I don't need a man, man!') and accompanied with a hearty old dose of sparkly noughties slogan T-shirt wisdom; SINGLE AND FABULOUS. The next minute I was curled in a Bridget Jones ball of self-pitying solitude. I was all Kleenex, mascara-cheek rivers and power ballads. Bad times.

The fact was, I really just wanted a lovely boyfriend. I told myself - dramatic as ever - that we had all been brainwashed (probably by Disney.. or Glaxo-Smithkline, they seem to get up to loads of iffy shit). We had been programmed by such evil forces as 'Capitalism' (wasn't entirely sure what it was) and 'Heat Magazine' (hadn't ever read it) into thinking that we needed expensive, flashy love (romance, roses, autumnal under-umbrella snogging) when actually we didn't need anything at all but ourselves. Silly me really.

I totally get it now. No, unlike certain friends of mine, a happily-ever-after, white wedding and champagne buffet is not essential to my livelihood. I totally get that, unlike others among them, I don't need a boyfriend, under any circumstances, no matter who he is, no matter how short, or arsey, or depraved, or addicted to ketamine, just so that I can say I've got The Boyfriend and feel that I have ticked a box. Nope. None of this applies to me.

However, my desperation to remove myself as far as possible from any of the above options left me stranded on the lonely island of man-hating, relationship-scorning bitterness. 'She's moving in with her boyfriend? Gutted at her. Laters, freedom!'

Of course being in a fun, exciting, loving, passionate, trusting relationship does not equal an end to anyone's freedom. Whilst on the outside I was fiercely independent, happy alone and cosily in love with my self and doing my own thing, inside I was just too scared of admitting that I really rather wanted a nice bit of love.

Similarly with friends. I've always had lots of gorgeous, fun and inspiring people around me, but I never knew that by asking and wanting for a close-knit gang (one that combined all these dreamy people into one glorious, friendly bundle) that I might get what I'd never let myself admit to wanting, let alone actually desire.

The Secret has entirely reversed my perception of the world. Now, instead of trying to do some sort of creepy reverse psychology on the Universe ('I didn't even want a boyfriend anyway, SO THERE!') I now see that I deserve and can have absolutely anything that I desire, so long as I continue to spread love, be generous with myself, my time, my energy and my money and believe believe BELIEVE! yummy.

cheeky :)

last night in sainoz, the couple in front of me gave me all their nectar points :)

pictured receiving cheques & found a payslip in the mail (it's almost the same...?!)

my mum called to say she's found the ISA money I'd transferred to her, hurrah! sort of..

happy, happy, joy, joy! <3

1 6

tomorrow is day sixteen, my lucky number.

i want some clarity so i'm going to focus on this little beauty..

please

best weekend

nervous train journey

pub lunch

charity shopping

tea-set bargaining

up hill marching

cliff top railway

seaside views

fresh fish market

curled up sofa reading

cancelled fireworks

save-the-day, plan B, AMAZING fireworks

massivest bonfire evs

hog roast

cheeky monkey

long drive home

soup & bread

strictly come dancing

red wine and blue cheese

cosiest bed ever

lovely lie-in

fancy breakfast

country stroll

kestrel spotting

most glorious roast dinner

more red wine

peppermint tea

posh chocolates

scrabble

magical.

ideal

yum

spent the day moaning to pins (over fancy sandwiches and fresh mint tea that i absolutely, categorically could NOT afford) about how it's far too soon to be feeling christmassy.

am now a bit undermining said rant, by wearing pyjamas & trawling google images for pictures of things i hope somebody somewhere gives me on the 25th of dec.

believe

'you are the co-creator of your own existence.'

treat yourself

ultimately i've realised i need to sort myself out at least 99% before anything else begins falling into place. hair cut, nails, facial.. yum

trick or treat, mr malcolm?

the good kind of ouch

dark evenings

lasagne

cuddles

golden grahams

woody allen

vintage russell & matt 6music podcast

(found it on my itunes)

face hurts from laughing.

"'I'm diabetic, I'm asthmatic, I lie about my marital status' ..these things are not achievemets Trevor"